The Fear Of Abandonment: What To Do If We Fear Our Partner Will Leave Us

Did you know that one of the reasons we don’t express our feelings or thoughts is because of the fear of abandonment? Nor do we dare talk about something that might upset the other, to avoid reasons that might cause the relationship to end.

This fear can be related to a traumatic situation in our childhood or adolescence, or to being abandoned by an ex-partner. In any case, it is very important to work on this in order to feel liberated and secure.

The fear of abandonment: when and how it appears

Emotional dependence is a great chain that binds us to the other person; in most cases to a partner. And for that reason we are afraid that he will leave us, that he will forget about us; because we feel that without your presence we will not be happy, we will be empty, and there will be no reason to smile.

They made us believe that we arrived in the world incomplete, and that we could only feel satisfied when we found “our other half”. But this romantic myth is a complete lie. We don’t need anyone to be happy with, to feel beautiful, or to enjoy life with.

The fear of abandonment usually starts in childhood, when our mothers are very attached to us. It is true that bonding with children is unshakable, pure and complete, but it can also make children dependent. And worst of all, it is recorded for the rest of its existence.

Babies often feel anxious or sad when their mothers move away from them. This is normal as they represent safety and well-being. Once they return, the children smile and feel comfortable ​​again.

But, “in the meantime,” babies believe they are unprotected, hungry, and needy. They were not taught to be self-reliant and independent, so the attachment that looks so beautiful is detrimental to their personality.

Why? Because as soon as that child grows up to be an adult, he needs attention from someone else, which is probably a partner.

The fear of being abandoned continues and can grow more and more, to the point of not doing or thinking about anything else. An adult dependent on love and that “feeling of security” when in a relationship is more likely to end up alone and unattended.

Of course, because nobody likes to be “tied” to an insecure person, without aspirations, without occupations, without clear goals. So, in addition to doing everything possible to avoid being abandoned… she thus becomes someone toxic, with whom she doesn’t feel like sharing anything else.

How to overcome fear of abandonment?

In this way we can be free, independent and complete, regardless of whether we are with someone or not. Undoubtedly , it is a slow process, with few changes in the beginning, but with willpower and dedication the objective is reached.

Don’t try to be “independent” overnight, because you won’t be able to, and it’s not about being pessimistic, it’s about being realistic. Design goals that you can achieve in the short term and be happy whenever you make a positive change.

As a first step, work on loving and respecting yourself as you are; but also take the opportunity to pamper yourself a little bit without waiting for your partner’s approval or permission. He won’t leave you just because you started thinking about yourself… quite the opposite! Remember, no one likes being with someone who is dependent 24 hours a day.

Look for activities to do on your own: you can go to the beauty salon, practice Zumba, or sign up for a cooking course. Even if your partner might go with you, the idea is that you don’t. You need to feel good without him.

May nothing stop you: Don’t be afraid to be alone: ​​9 tips to accept moments of solitude

How long has it been since you went shopping, to the movies, or for an afternoon coffee alone? These could be your next activities! There is nothing wrong with sharing moments with yourself.  Besides, you can always count on a friend, the one who is always available and will make you smile.

If you call him or text him several times a day to tell him how much you love him, and that you can’t live without him, stop doing it. Reduce these messages to one or two at most. Use this energy to focus on yourself.

And if, despite all your efforts, you can’t get rid of your doubts and fears, it might be a good idea to seek professional help.

If you are terrified of abandonment, the best thing you can do is talk to your partner. Tell him how you feel and he’ll probably give you lots of ideas to get over it, with his help of course. Contrary to what you think, talking about it will not separate them, but it will unite them, and in a more authentic and happy way.